Bani Na'im - بني نعيم: I left my soul in Bani Naim

Considering the catastrophic events that happened to every Palestinian family, I consider myself somewhat fortunate. I was physically and forcefully removed from the little town called Bani Naim more than four decades ago. Living in a neighboring country and witnessing the miseries and humiliation of so many Palestinians have shaped my behavior and attitude toward life in general. Everything I do and every step I take is tested and scaled to the events I witnessed during my childhood. Enduring the daily suffering of the Palestinian for so long would break the strongest human being. To maintain a reasonable mental strength, one has to come up with certain terms on how to live and function on a daily basis. In my case, I created conditions to maintain livelihood and survivability by forcing myself out of my body, or one may called it a permanent out-of-body experience. This way I can fly, roam, travel vast distances, observe, and listen to anybody in any place in the four corners of the Earth (and some time the Universe). While I am fluttering around and looking back to my own body, I would conclude that I have done a darn good job in this particular life.
Flying around permits me to visit places without passports, permissions, and visas. I can listen to many people speaking different languages and observing differ cultures and rituals. However, I always find myself pulled into this place called Bani Naim. To me this place is like a black hole, nothing can escape, everything is going to this point on Earth. Every morning and before I prepare myself to the Earthly needs, I let myself out and in no time I find myself fluttering over the streets of Bani Naim. I walk in all familiar streets I knew during my childhood, I visit all houses old and new, I great relatives and talk to neighbors, and I even try to solve problems with other kids who lost their marbles and could not stop crying. I stop by my relative houses and ask to drink water. Nobody would notice me because there is no body to see, touch, or feel. Occasionally, I see some guys staring at nothing, looking at vacuum, and lost with a blank look at their faces. This is perhaps they felt my soul fluttering around, but they cannot see me.
Everything halfway around the world is scaled against the events that happened during my first sixteen years of my life. Even when I go to purchase a dozen eggs from Wal-Mart, I compare their prices to the price of eggs that I used to steal from my mother chicken?s coup and sell to buy pieces of candy. Buying shoes is a dreadful experience, because I have to visit almost every store in town to compare prices and haggle to make sure nobody would sell me a pair of shows with unreasonable price. Just like what I used to do while in Bani Naim. Occasionally, I wonder why I need to buy a pack of toothpaste or why do I need it at all, because the only barber in Bani Naim used to pull teeth free of charge.
Everything I do is checked against my childhood experience in Bani Naim. Every morning I send my soul to Bani Naim to check the streets and houses and visit everybody to make sure they are Ok. I am physically located about halfway around the world, but I think I left my soul in Bani Naim.
Omar Manasreh
29 May 2008